Regrets
by Abarai Starsha
Summary: Ichigo lost her, it was up to Toshiro to find her.  AU / OOC  One shot.


**AN: I know I said I would put aside all other projects, but I just couldn't put this one down… Full of angst as that seems to be what I do best… AU / OOC  
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**I do not own Bleach.**

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><p>Regrets<p>

By: Starsha Abarai

Toshiro stood as the gate vanished behind him. It took him a few minutes to get his bearings in the human world. He sent out a small pulse of reiatsu, looking…searching… He frowned. His target wasn't supposed to be skilled in hiding reiatsu.

"Bah," he said as he walked a few blocks. People were scarce on this cold winters night. Not that anyone would see him in his Shinigami form. He reached his first destination and stopped. He looked up at the sign, "Kurosaki Clinic" and sighed. It had been almost five years since the war with Aizen ended. Almost five years since Hinamori died. Almost four years since – "Bah," he said again and pushed his thoughts away.

He walked in the dimly lit clinic. It was late, almost past midnight. He didn't think anyone would be awake and was surprised to find a certain orange head seated on the coffee table as a small child slept soundly on the couch in front of him. He was bleary eyed and held a small infant and a bottle.

"What are you doing here?" he accused without looking up. He popped the bottle in the infant's mouth.

"Is that the child?" Toshiro asked his voice icy. Ichigo said nothing, but held the infant a little closer.

"What are you doing here?" he asked again.

"I'm here to find someone," Toshiro said.

"I would think after everything that has happened, here would be the last place to find anyone," Ichigo said.

"I take it you haven't seen – "

"No. Not since…not in a very long time."

"Very well then. I'm sorry to have bothered you," he said as he turned to leave. It was then Ichigo turned around.

"How is she?" He asked. The short white haired captain stopped. He felt anger start to build inside of him. It was a simple question. _How is she?_ Yet, how dare he ask? The audacity he had. Sitting there, with his offspring asking how _she_ was?

"Che," he said, ice still in his voice.

"Please," Ichigo asked. Toshiro turned around and looked at the former Shinigami with his cold teal eyes. Both men stared at each other for quite a while. The only sounds made were from the infant sucking her bottle.

"Why do you care?" he said tightly. He tried to reign in his anger.

"I will always care about her!" He said fiercely as he stood towering over the short captain.

"Che," Toshiro said turning. He touched the door. "You do not deserve to know how she is."

Ichigo was about to go out after him, but his daughter started to cry. He looked down into the warm grey eyes of his daughter. He tried to hold back a sob as he sat back down with her. His thoughts returned to the year the war ended.

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><p>"<em>I have to go back, Ichigo," Rukia said with sadness and regret.<em>

"_So last night meant nothing to you?" He asked her coldly._

"_It meant everything to me!" She said with desperation. Her eyes were shining, as she bit her lip to stop the tears from falling._

"_Then why can't you stay?" He asked with equal desperation._

"_O-orders. Not just from Ukitake-taicho, but from Central 46. There's a-"_

"_Fuck them! After everything that has happened, everything they've done to you…Stay with me! I…I love you, Rukia."_

_In the end, she left._

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><p><em>Two months later…<em>

"_Rukia! What are you doing here?" _

"_Ichigo…I have something I need to tell you. I…"_

"_Kurosaki-kun! Kurosaki-kun! It turned pink!" Inoue said as she entered his room, holding a small plastic stick. Rukia's eyes widened at the scene. Ichigo looked at her, helpless. She couldn't breathe, she couldn't move, her vision started to blur as the meaning of what was going on sunk in._

_Inoue looked between Ichigo and Rukia, her smile faltering. "Hi Kuchiki-san! I guess you're going to be one of the first to know," she said as she smiled at Ichigo. "I'm pregnant!"_

_Rukia's heart pounded so loud, her head started to spin. She felt like she was hit in the stomach and was going to throw up. "Excuse me," Rukia said as she quickly went through the window. _

_Ichigo moved to follow but was stopped as he realized Inoue was holding his hand, looking at him...  
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><p>He closed his eyes and kissed his daughters head as she fell back to sleep. Ichigo went upstairs and put his daughter in her crib which was set up next to his bed. He glanced at it at looked at his young wife. Her breathing was even, she was asleep. He looked at the picture on the night stand. It showed the perfect happy couple with two beautiful daughters. He quietly sighed as he went back downstairs.<p>

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><p><em>He looked around at the guests that had gathered around them for their wedding. His father gave him a soft smile. His sisters were dancing on the dance floor. His new and very pregnant wife was dancing with Ishida. Their eyes met, she smiled. He smiled back before he looked at his long time friend. Tatsuke was smiling as she watched her friend dance.<em>

_The temperature in the room suddenly dropped. _

_He looked over at Kisuke who was now frowning. He was able to make out a small black blur before whoever it was left. Kisuke stopped talking and closed his eyes. "Kurosaki-kun," he said._

"_Who was here?"_

"_Now is not the time…"_

"_I don't care. Who was here?" He asked again, his voice low. _

"_Captain Hitsugaya."_

"_That explains why it's so cold. Why is he here?"_

"_Soul Society needs my help in a matter. Excuse me." He said. He made his way over to Isshin, spoke in his ear. Father looked at son. There was that same damn sad smile before he turned away._

_Ichigo carefully slipped out and followed. _

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><p>He's lived too short a life to be filled with so many regrets. He picked up the sake bottle and poured himself another saucer. Thunder could be heard in the distance. It would rain soon.<p>

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><p>"Fuck!" Toshiro cursed under his breath. He thought for sure he would find her, or at least pick up a trail. His thoughts were interrupted as he realized he reached the shop. He went inside and found Kisuke apparently waiting on him.<p>

"Hitsugaya-taicho!" the shopkeeper greeted him as the heavens opened up and the rain started to fall.

"Have you seen her?" he asked before the door had time to completely close.

"No," he said sadly. "I felt her come through about an hour ago. Her reiatsu was fluctuating at a rapid pace."

"Now it's gone."

"She learned from best."

"Che," he said as he looked at the floor.

"Why is she here?" The shop keeper asked. Toshiro crossed his arms across his chest and sighed.

"Because she likes to torture herself. Apparently she wasn't getting enough from her former clan," he said bitterly.

"They're still hounding her?" He asked, shocked.

Toshiro narrowed his eyes as his anger grew. "They haven't left her alone since it all came out."

"That's a long time."

"…"

"Why is she here?" He asked again.

Toshiro closed his eyes as he fought with his anger. "A misunderstanding."

"Between?"

"My 8th seat, Takako," he admitted.

"After everything she's been through?" He asked as his eye brows raised. Toshiro snarled at the man.

"Don't you think I know this?" he said as frost started to form on the shelves.

"What did she see?"

"That's none of your business," he replied curtly. Kisuke sighed. She has indeed, been through more than anyone should, living or dead.

"Try the park. She loves high places." He offered. "Tell her – " he started but the young taicho was already out in the rain.

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><p>"<em>I have some paperwork for you to sign, Taicho," Takako said as she knocked on his office door. Matsumoto was out making wedding plans with Abarai. Toshiro had a very brief fling with Takako immediately after the war. He was drunk and blaming himself for Hinamori's death. She was there, she was willing, she was easy.<em>

_He sobered up the next day, realized what happened and broke it off with her. Takako wouldn't be dissuaded so easily; especially not since she finally had her way with the hottest captain to ever represent the 13 Court Guards. She lay low, making sexual suggestions every now and then, but never pushing anything. It wasn't until he started showing an interest in Rukia that she picked up her pace. _

_He sent her away on a year and a half long mission to Hueco Mundo, helping in the patrol and clean up after the war. In the meantime, his relationship with Rukia steadily grew. That is, until today when Takako returned from her mission._

_She spied Rukia heading towards the office. She looked like she was having a bad day and something was on her mind. Takako smiled and waited for just the right moment. _

_Takako had come back from the mission showered and changed into a fresh uniform. She didn't tie the sash. She walked into Toshiro's office and pounced on him while he was seated at his desk. As he brought his hands up to push her away, her uniform slipped off her shoulders. Toshiro was shocked and gasped. Right as Rukia walked in._

_Takako covered his mouth with her lips and shoved her crotch down onto his lap._

_Rukia stood, not for the first time in her life, frozen to the ground. It was Ichigo and Inoue all over again. It was supposed to be different; it was supposed to be…_

_She turned and ran._

_Toshiro threw the woman off of him and chased after Rukia, but was stopped by a hell butterfly. He chose to ignore the summons and went after her. She had a head start and knew Karakura better than he did._

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><p>Lightning flashed across the sky as the rumble of thunder soon followed. Ichigo looked at his older daughter asleep on the couch. He had been working late at the clinic the past few nights and had missed out on spending time with her. She had wanted to be closer to him and decided tonight she was going to wait for him. She had been asleep for hours.<p>

Ichigo smoothed out her long orange locks. She looked like her mother but had his natural scowl. He went back to the kitchen and opened another bottle of sake. He thought about another child that was never meant to be.

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><p><em>He followed Kisuke back to his shop. It was easy since he had lost his powers. He was just another human, quiet on their radar.<em>

_Kisuke entered, Ichigo went to a nearby open window and listened._

"_Kuchiki-taicho, how may I be of assistance?"_

"_Unohana needs your help."_

"_Unohana-taicho? What could I possibly help her with?"_

"_Rukia is miscarrying that half breed's child."_

"_I'm so sorry," Kisuke said, "But I don't see where I – "_

"_The child is a hollow," Byakuya said._

_Ichigo's heart was in his throat as he squeezed his eyes shut. Rukia was pregnant. That's what she came to tell him. He had to get to her. He stood up and felt a cold blade at his throat. He slowly turned around and found himself staring into a set of cold teal eyes. _

"_What do you think you're doing?" He asked._

"_Rukia! I need to get to her."_

"_I think you've done enough, don't you?"_

"_No! I didn't know. I didn't know she was…she was…"_

"_Pregnant with your child when you were busy knocking up someone else?"_

"_She left me!"_

"_She was under orders! How long did it take you before you cut her from your life? A day, a week? It couldn't have been too long considering how fast you got Inoue pregnant." He seethed. Toshiro had seen enough and had had enough. He sheathed his Zanpaktou and punched Ichigo in the face._

_He fell back against the shop wall. Toshiro was on him with another punch and another. Ichigo didn't even raise his hand._

_Toshiro was mildly surprised at his own anger. He had only spoken to the small Kuchiki a handful of times on his way to retrieve Matsumoto from Abarai's place. She had been there, on occasion, at the request of her brother, making sure the red head was reporting to work on time._

_She tried to be a Kuchiki and hide behind a steel curtain but her eyes. Her eyes spoke volumes. Toshiro had heard about what happened, had heard the clan and others speak harshly about her. He watched and he listened. Day after day he heard them ridicule her. Day after day he saw her spirit get beat down over and over by the same mindless people. _

_He had only talked to her a few times but was immediately impressed with her spirit. She was highly stressed and it was definitely taking its toll on her, but she was doing her best to handle it. He admired her for that._

"_She came back to Soul Society broken. She had confided in Abarai that you were with Inoue. She had also confided to him that she was pregnant with your child. She tried to hide it, but it didn't take long before the clan found out." He spat. "They never cared for her to begin with considering where she came from but now…pregnant with a bastard child?"_

_Ichigo hung his head. "What did they do to her?"_

"_They hounded her and filled her head up with crap! They kicked her out of the clan. Her brother wasn't able to override it."_

_Ichigo's eyes grew._

"_Now she's…she's…" he stopped. His eyes narrowed before they fixated on Ichigo. "Stay away, Kurosaki!" He went back inside as the others went through the gate._

_Ichigo sat there in his wedding attire with a bloody nose and mouth, stunned. He didn't notice when the first few drops of rain fell from the sky._

"_Rukia…"_

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><p>Toshiro found the park. The rain was coming down in sheets. It was hard to see, it was hard to hear. He scanned the trees that dotted the play area and found the tallest one. He looked up and found her. He breathed a sigh of relief when he saw her.<p>

"Go away, Hitsugaya-taicho." She said over the rain. He cringed. He hated it when she called him that.

"Rukia-"

"Leave!"

"No! Not until you hear what I have to say!"

"I don't care what you have to say, _Taicho_," she spat. The rain was coming down hard. He could see she was already soaked through.

"Rukia, what you saw, that wasn't..."

"I don't care!" She screamed.

"Takako came back from the mission today. I didn't know! If I remembered, I would have cleared the division!"

"You're no better than Ichigo. You're all the same. All the same!" She yelled.

"That's not fair, Kuchiki!" Fuck, he couldn't call her that anymore. He looked up. Her posture was rigid. That hit hard.

Shit.

"Rukia…"

"I said go away!" She jumped from the branch and took off. While her shunpo was impressive, it still was no match for his. He quickly caught up and grabbed her arm.

He jumped back a bit as she pulled out her Zanpaktou.

"What are you going to do?"

"Mae, Sode no Shirayuki!" she hollered as she released Shikai.

"Hey!" Toshiro yelled.

"Some no mai, Tsukishiro!" She yelled as a perfect circle of ice formed beneath their feet.

"Rukia!" Toshiro yelled. This time, he let her go and jumped out of the circle. He looked up as the ice particles started to reach up from the ground. Rukia made no move to leave the center. She stood stock still and closed her eyes as ice particles started to float around her. She looked beautiful.

"Rukia!" Toshiro yelled again, eyes wide. He shunpo'd as the ice was released and flew up into the sky, freezing everything in its path. He looked at the small woman beneath him. They were a few feet from the huge ice tower. He wrapped his arms around her and held her close. "Rukia, I'm sorry."

"No," she whispered, her eyes closed.

"I'm so, so sorry," he said as he held her tighter. He sat back on his knees, bringing her up to hers. He held her and rocked her as she finally started to cry.

Thunder boomed overhead as the rain intensified. She looked at him with her big violet eyes. Her tears mixed with rain, ran down the sides of her face. Her raven hair, plastered to her head.

"Make it stop," she whispered.

Toshiro held her, rocked her and stroked her wet hair. "I'm sorry," he whispered in her ear. Behind them, the pillar collapsed and dissipated.

"It hurts," she said.

"I know," he replied.

Several yards away a tall man with orange hair looked on. He was hidden from view but saw everything. His hands fisted at his sides. It should have been him holding her. It should have been their child sleeping on the couch. It should have been…

She looked at him. His eyes were barely visible beneath his wet hair. He looked like a Saint Bernard. She was scared to trust, she was scared to believe. She knew the story behind Takako and if she were in her right mind she would know Toshiro had nothing to do with the crazy woman's actions. But she wasn't in her right mind. And Toshiro knew that.

"Did you go to his grave today?" He asked.

"No. I…I didn't want to go alone," she looked away. "Four years, you would think I could let it go."

"Why would I think that? He was your son."

"That's not how everyone else sees him," she said sadly.

"They don't matter."

She looked at him. The rain had slowed to a drizzle.

"I'm sorry," she whispered.

"You have no reason to be sorry," he said as he continued to hold her.

"I doubted you."

"Your past gave you reason to doubt."

"You don't deserve that."

"That's not for you to decide."

It had stopped raining and the moon was peeking out through the clouds.

Rukia looked at him. Ever since her miscarriage four years ago he had been by her side. When everyone turned their back to her, he was there to hold her hand.

"I don't want to go home," she said. Her home was now a small room in the 13th Division.

"You're soaked."

"So are you."

He smiled at her. "Come to my place then."

"What if _she's_ there waiting for you?"

Toshiro huffed.

"I'll reassign her to the 4th Division's sewer patrol." He watched as Rukia smiled. Toshiro stood and helped her up. He had his arm around her as he reached for Hyorinmaru to open the gate.

"Thank you," she said quietly as she stood next to him.

Toshiro turned to her, lifted her chin and kissed her softly. The gate opened and they were gone.

Ichigo came out of his spot and stood there, alone.

~fin~


End file.
